I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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