I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
