I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
