So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
