My Higher Power is John Stamos
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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