I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
