I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
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