There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Holy shit dude........stairs
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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