I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
