PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
