No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
