I think my fart just growled at me.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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