I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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