Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize