have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Randomize
