I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
