just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
