his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
