meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
