Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
