He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
