In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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