i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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