no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
