In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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