I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
