just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
