Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
