her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
