you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Pants are for mortals
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
