better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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