The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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