Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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