Drunk walkin through police station. America
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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