honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
