so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
