she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
