brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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