The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
