is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
