it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
