yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
