i barfeds in our rink
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
MIDGETS
????
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
