U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
