Screwed.edu
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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