Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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