Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
