Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
