Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
