Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
