Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Duck Duck Cougar?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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