no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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