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when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
