I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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