I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
