one might say we're banned from that church
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
