I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
whose parrot is this?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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