I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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