I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
