Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I pour the whiskey from now on
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
