Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I checked into jail on foursquare
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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