I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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