Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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