you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
