I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
