So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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